Day T W E N T Y – S I X

It’s been six months since graduation.

It feels as though it’s been a lot longer. These past couple months have been the most insane type of chaos, the best kind and then the just straight up messy, volatile kind of chaotic.

I think it was my sophomore year that I knew I wasn’t going to further my education with Psychology but then the closer graduation became, the more I found myself panicking. At the beginning of my second senior year (victory lap) I had done more than just dabble my feet into poetry and this creative world so I wondered, what if I took this year to be a creative? Freelance, do what I could to make money but also have the time for what I love to do.

Now that I’m in it— it sounded so much easier back then. Plus I didn’t think it would actually be a thing. I figured God would be like nah you’re going to work a full time job and go to Grad School. But I’m not. I’m not working full time at all and though half the time that’s really exciting, the other half the time it’s just terrifying. Sometimes “work” is really consistent and then I have weeks like this one coming where I don’t have much of anything going on. And for me that means I’m not making money so that means I’m losing it and November is creeping around the corner and she’s going to have her hands all out and strip me bare — then the hustle starts all over again.

I’m barely scraping adulthood and I’m already tired of the hustle.

I’m already tired of the doing doing doing and the constant busy.

Maybe I say this because I’m exhausted and my voice sounds like a raspy 85 year old life long smoker and i’ve been sitting on my bed ever since I got home because that’s all the energy I have right now. But I can’t help but be overwhelmed with the reality that this is adulthood?! This is what our lives will look like until we stop breathing and get buried in the ground? Can I return this? This as in the adult card I’ve been given– I don’t want it. I want to learn 2+2 and take naps and complain because some little girl my mom forced me to play with broke my easy bake oven.

I would like to go back to that place but then again, I don’t.

Honestly, life right now is good. Honestly, it’s really good. If I wasn’t stressing out about how to pay rent and all the adult things without a “stable” or “frequent” job I would be just dandy.

I never imagined myself as the free-lancing type. I love buying new planners and pens every time my old one runs out. Lists make me feel in control and on top of “life” I have various calendar and planning apps because organization makes life feel tangible and manipulative in my own hands. I like to know what’s coming next and how to prepare for it. Life doesn’t always allow us to do know that though does it? It is one giant mass of spontaneity that I think purposely taunts us.

Try to map me out. Try to turn me into something you can control. Try and plan my every day and see how much I make you realize that it’s not possible.

And honestly, we don’t want it to be do we? I think we get a thrill out of knowing that we don’t know what’s going to come next and somehow try to pretend we do anyway. We’re all just trying to figure it out. We all know that we’re not going to know when the punches are coming but we at least hope to be prepared when they do. We don’t necessarily care how we pay for the adult things we just want them to get paid for.

It is in these moments where I am face to face with the extent of my humanity.

My limited humanity that reminds me that provision is not in my hands at all but the one who put me here in the first place.

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Day T W E N T Y – F I V E

Yesterday, I had coffee with a wonderful gorgeous tall human  who I met via Instagram and just so happens to occasionally go to my church as well. We met yesterday and talked about who we are outside of social media, where we came from and what we do. In most of my conversations and coffee dates lately, they are centered around the heart of the creative. How did I get here? How did I know this was what I wanted to do? Either via email or through in person interactions these questions and conversations have come up so I thought why not post about them? Is it weird to interview yourself on your own blog?

   *Insert Kanye Shrug*

Here we go!

the h e a r t of a c r e a t i v e

How did you get involved with poetry? 

So I have always loved writing, I wrote poems instead of doodles on class notes. English was my favorite subject and there was just something about language that has always captivated me. I went an Arts High School and was in the theater emphasis. I wrote a lot of plays, monologues, short stories and occasionally the main character in my pieces were creative in someway so I was able to have two outlets of being able to express who I was and what I was passionate about.

It honestly wasn’t until I got to APU (Azusa Pacific) that I even know what Spoken Word was. I performed at one of the Coffee house events on campus and performed a monologue, then afterwards my now really good friend and poetry mentor if you will, Michael pulled me aside and asked if I had written what I performed. I told him it was a monologue and he was like “Nah, that was poetry.” And from that point forward my life has LITERALLY not been the same. I ended up getting on APUs competitive poetry team and competing for two years with a group of amazingly gifted individuals and a coach who I adore to this day. Then after all the initial heartbeats of campus poetry graduated, I became president of the poetry club.

Did you know this is what you wanted to do?

haha no. Not at all. In fact, this is the FURTHEST thing from what I thought I would be doing. I studied Psychology at APU and thought I would go to Grad School for it then I became really passionate about leadership on campus and residence life. My next route was I thought I would be a Resident Director on a college campus for a few years. And then this poetry, this art, this creativity was so much more than a hobby, it was becoming very much so a part of me.

But oh my gosh I ran from this so hard. I didn’t want anything to do with the stage, with the lights with the attention, I thought it wasn’t supposed to be for me. But then I performed at an event on campus and it literally opened the floodgates of opportunity. You know that moment when you step into your calling and everything seems to fall in place after that? It was that moment, that moment where there’s no more running because you’ve finally made it home.

It’s still a very weird thing though and it baffles me every time a new opportunity comes but honestly I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.

When/ How/ Why did you start Blogging?

My Myspace, Facebook and any social media captions have always been just a little bit too long. Tumblr was my JAM when I first started because I could repost a bunch of pictures and then have little “blog posts” tucked in between. I have always been extremely expressive and searched for outlets where I could be and do that. After Tumblr, I wondered what a space just for me would look like. I’ve had my WordPress since 2013 and I’ve just been spilling ever since.

How did you start contributing to other blogs and online spaces?

Here’s the thing– social media is a BEAUTIFUL place. We abuse it so much and take it for advantage but my goodness it’s SO COOL. I have met so many amazing people through it and have found a lot of the opportunities i’ve been able to experience through it. I am all about the scrolling, clicking link after link and finding new people, new spaces. I found Yellow Conference through Instagram and have been SO blessed by the opportunity to share my gift of words in such a remarkable space. Contributing to Yellow has opened a lot of doors and a lot of connections for people to find my Instagram and my work. It’s literally all Networking and being friends with really neat humans who are doing rad things.

WHERE DID YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWING COME FROM?

Shoot. That’s a good question. Definitely from the traffic of other places I’ve contributed to, being tagged in photos from people who are RAD and using hashtags (those things are honestly so crazy how it connects all these different spaces). I realized that my “following” (ew that sounds so weird) started growing so I began trying to research, learn and figure out why. Was it my content? My Pictures? It’s a mix of both but most importantly our social media is a space to curate it’s constantly growing and there are PEOPLE not just likes, people. I try to interact with everyone on my social media because humans are rad and I fall in love with them every day. How neat to be friends and know people from literally all over the world!

Where do you hope all of this will go?

I could do this forever. If it goes to forever, I would be so so down for that. I remember a few years ago performing and I got off stage and was just so overwhelmed by the beauty and magic of it all. I prayed and told God that if it lined up for his will for me, I would do this, I would do it for as long as he wanted me too. I would love to travel more, I would love to connect with more artists and collaborate on more projects. This creative world has sucked me in and I have no desire to leave right now! Wherever He leads, that’s where I’ll go.

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I love being able to share this crazy journey because it had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I didn’t wake up and say “I’m going to be a poet.” or “I’m going to be a creative.” NAH. The left side of my brain was like I’m sorry what?! This could be anyones story, anyones journey. I just realized that something gave me butterflies in the best possible way and I wanted to chase them for as long as I could. I don’t ever want to share my story and have people think “That’s cool but that’s not me” Do you want it to be you?! I think that EVERYONE has the ability to create because guess what you were created so how could you not mimic something that’s literally been shown to you and placed IN YOU!

It’s terrifying though. Every time I perform I wonder if that will be my last time, I pray to God that it isn’t but I know that right now this is what ignites my soul in a whole different way and that feeling—my goodness, it makes waking up everyday so exciting.

Day T W E N T Y- F O U R

I’m not entirely sure when or how life got so busy this week but I have been struggling with writing everyday because my mornings start late and my days end late too and all I can do is barely make it all the way to my bed before I crashed.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in a bit –PRAISES, so tonight I write.

Today I started working as a teachers aid for a homeschooling group in Pasadena. I was instantly reunited for my love of kids and my love of teaching. I thought for the longest time that’s what I would do, be a teacher. I would choose the younger kids because though they are rambunctious and always seem to have cute little dirty faces, I adore little kids.

While tracing a map of the continents today, the teacher reminded the students that it was okay to make mistakes, she wasn’t looking for perfection, she wasn’t looking to see if they never messed up. “In fact” she said, “I want you to mess up. You’re safe to have mess up in my class.”

Then one of the little girls in the class responded with, “You’re going to have to remind us of that, that it’s okay to mess up because what if we forget?”

BE STILL MY HEART.

The teacher responded with “You’re right. Sometimes we do forget, I should remind myself of that more often too.”

It is in these moments that I am reminded of how much I absolutely love humans especially kids and their brutal yet gracious and inquisitive honesty.

I was talking to my housemate about this encounter and we were talking about just the beauty of belief that kids have. They believe that they’re going to be best friends with their first grade friend and that they’ll have playdates with their kids when they’re married with families (real life conversations from today) and they believe that a pumpkin has 1,000 seeds inside of it and they do need to be reminded that it’s okay to make mistakes. And as we get older we need to be reminded even more so because we do forget. We get older and we doubt our abilities and we lose that sense of belief that we can run really fast or that every story we tell is a great one.

We need to have more safe places to make mistakes.

Places that not only tell us that we’re safe but also show us that we are. Places and people to remind us that it’s okay to draw outside of the lines and that it doesn’t mean the world is ending or we’re a bad human.

As some of the boys we’re racing one another to see who could trace the fastest, the same sweet wise little girl said so matter of fact, “It’s not how fast you do it. It’s how good.” Adulthood doesn’t tell us this, adulthood uses a lot of “now” and “how fast” language, what’s the quickest route to get places? What’s the shortest amount of time I can make a meal? How fast can I run through my list of to-dos so that I can earn some Netflix time? We live and breathe and hustle in the “fast.” But oh my gosh sweet girl was right, what about just doing things well? We don’t focus on a time frame, we don’t constrict our time, instead we carefully trace the edges and curves of every continent and every ocean.

It reminds me of this video The Making of “Patience & Discipline” 

….*hoping that you watched it* WASN’T THAT BEAUTIFUL?!

Mistakes are accepted, you’re safe here. They are not only accepted but encouraged. 

It’s not how fast, it’s not about the microwave transaction or the fastest route it’s about the content, it’s about what you produce. Will it sustain through every shifting season and passing year? Will it be the very thing you leave behind?

DAY T W E N T Y- T H R E E

I love birthdays.

I love celebrating others, I enjoy thinking about gifts that don’t just fill the space for gift giving but gifts that remind people “Hey– I thought about you specifically you for this moment right now.” 

I am a huge words of affirmation person both giving and receiving. However when receiving I reciprocate written versus verbal. Verbal affirmation makes me ALL KINDS OF UNCOMFORTABLE. I still don’t know how to take a compliment, this at first streamed from very deep insecurities. Now they are not so deep but still very present however verbal affirmation still makes me nervous and I automatically turn it onto the other person.

I think the psychology fan in me loves the idea of love languages.

I am a firm believer that they help us understand one another better and also gives us the space to know people even deeper.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

ACTS OF SERVICE

RECEIEVING GIFTS

QUALITY TIME

PHYSICAL TOUCH

These love languages are usually used in regards to marriage HOWEVER, I think that these could play a huge part in everyday friendships, work environments and basically any interaction with human beings. I ask pretty much all of my friends what their love language is because I desire to know them deeper, what is it that I can do to where they feel most loved? I remember having this conversation with my housemates about a year ago and understanding love languages became crucial in one of the relationships because for one girl, giving gifts was the way her family dealt with conflict. Instead of sitting and talking about it, a gift would just pop up somewhere and that was the end of it, so she became used to doing that when they would get into arguments or tidbits. However for the other girl in the relationship she grew up in a house where gifts weren’t really intention but just stuff and the “stuff” took away from connection, from actual relationship.

You can imagine how they had to talk that one out because each person interpreted the “gifts” in different ways.

Knowing and understanding the people around you can be complicated. Relationships to any extent take A LOT of work. Whatever we can do to better understand the other in the midst of the complication and difficulty, will allow healthier, rooted and blossoming relationships.

With love languages, there isn’t necessarily you have some and you don’t have the others. With these specific love languages there is more of an order of the 5 for each individual person than there is the presence or absence. For me, my order is as follows:

  1. (Written) Words of affirmation (I know….so complicated, just like my starbucks orders)
  2. Quality Time
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Receiving Gifts
  5. Physical Touch

This is not to say that I don’t appreciate verbal words of affirmation but as I mentioned before, it makes me all kinds of squirm-ish. And this is also not saying that I absolutely hate to be touched because I’m such a hugger and a good one BUT when it comes to how I best receive love its not on the top of my list.

NOTE: There is a difference between these love languages in regards to receiving and giving.

I believe that if you are aware of how someone else best receives love, you are able to deliver that despite where the language may be placed in your own list. I knew that in a relationship that his top love language was quality time and though that was not my personal first choice I had to learn how to adjust and put that knowledge into action with my interactions with him. It is an opportunity not only to stretch yourself but also put yourselves in the shoes of someone else for a moment. How does this person need to be loved in this moment right now?

I think that these five little tokens can be beautiful additions to not only knowing but truly understanding and loving those around us.

Day T W E N T Y – T W O

I want to expand the way I write/ what I write about. I hope to be insightful, informative and encouraging in many different outlets. I struggled with what to write for today, I could journal entry approach which I have been doing, I could take a topic and start writing off of that. I considered starting a conversation about Raven-Symone and her comment but you can do that on your own. Instead, I will make a list of books (that I can write in 30 minutes )I think you should read.

  • A Severe Mercy

    By, Sheldon Vanauken

    WARNING: THIS. BOOK. WRECKS. YOU.  From the inside out. it changes your view of God, religion as a whole, relationships, love, jealousy and overall life in general. It is a TRUE story of a couple who becomes friends with C.S Lewis and exchange letters with him over a time span of years and find God through the encounter. Their relationship is a beautiful depiction of selfless love and brutal honesty. This book does not shy away from vulnerability or from raw and real truth. Also their encounters with C.S Lewis gives you such a tangible view of him, you would believe that you were friends with him too by the end of it.

    . The Heart of a Woman

By, Maya Angelou

You admire Maya from the distance, you fall in love with her poetic words but this book is a glimpse at her life, the reason and backbone of all the poems that she created. I love reading books that allow you to see people that are held on this pedestal on a real, fallible human level. You’re reminded that it took a lot for them to get to where they are and it elicits even a deeper respect for them. I found myself giggling at how sassy she was, in awe of her boldness and captivated by the way she wrestled with her ability to connect with the maternal part of her and love her son.

3. Fat Pig

By, Neil LaBute

I am a play junkie. I like to buy the short little books and read through them, imagine myself as the characters and dissect the meaning of lines. This about eighty page play is the story of a couple who wrestles with the appearance of themselves and each other. I had the honor of playing the character Helen who is a heftier woman dating Tom who is tall, good-looking and “fit.” The story is essentially the “I’ll never be that girl story” and it resonates with basically every woman because we’ve all felt that way at some point and time. This one hurts but the text is SO good. If you’re into plays —read it.

4. If You Find this Letter

By, Hannah Brencher

I mean duh. Read this post and you’ll know why.

But seriously, just read it, not the post. The book, it’s beautiful, she’s beautiful.

5. Is Everyone Hanging out Without me?

By, Mindy Kaling

IT’S SO FUNNY. I have never laughed out-loud at a book before. It was the book that my friend Kayla and I read to each other while sitting on dryers in a laundromat. It’s HILARIOUS, insightful, encouraging and basically makes you want to have Mindy as a friend so you can text her quotes that you loved to her as if she wasn’t the one who wrote the book in the first place. Not only is it funny but the way she incorporates truth and sort of allows you to see the insides and outsides of what she  does and you realize she’s a freaking boss as well.

6. Rising Strong

by, Brene’ Brown

I fell in love with this brilliant woman after watching her TED TALK awhile ago. Now my small group is reading this book and it’s amazing. Her incorporation of research, education and life all wrapped in one is so refreshing. She makes me want to go back to school and learn so much more. She also makes me want to have coffee with her for two days in a row and take copious amount of notes— I choose the latter option.

 

Thank you.

For tuning into lists and explanations in 30 minutes with Arielle.

See you next time folks.

Day T W E N T Y O N E

As the conference today came to a close, I was, am physically and emotionally exhausted in the best possible way. Performing has this pre adrenaline but once I’m off the stage it all comes flooding down and the humanness comes out full force. I shake uncontrollably and usually sit on the floor somewhere to regain my sense of stability. And then, some of the leaders went to the alter and prayed over some of the girls. It’s one of my favorite moments, where they’re bold and trying to step out despite the encouragement of their youth leader or hesitance of their peers. The first girl I prayed for, her name was Faith and I asked Faith what her prayer request was and she said that God would forgive her sins and in my head I’m thinking like what? steal candy from the store and let your mom think she bought it by putting it in the grocery bag? Basically her heart, her approach was so pure I immediately told her, Oh baby girl! He already has. And then prayed that she would be reminded of that truth and that she would continue to be so bold as she was in that moment but in the rest of her life.

When it was all said and done, I wiped away a lot of tears, put on my jean jacket to cover the goosebumps and Karen and I came back to the hotel and crashed for an hour or so before heading out to dinner. After dinner, we went to downtown carlsbad and walked down to the beach.

The ocean, has always been my immediate space of comfort and healing. It is my tangible space.

It is my space where God feels tangible and life feels tangible and everything that seemed overwhelming comes across so small and mediocre in comparison to the waves. However when we walked down to the shore, the stair cases were covered in water. The waves were so big, so strong that they were covering the part of the beach that during the day was “accessible.”

However I was really determined and though one staircase was a full puddle at the bottom, we walked through some houses and restaurants to access the other staircase. Again, it was filled with water. Karen automatically said NAH but everything in me wanted to get to the shore so I tried to figure out how deep the puddle was and of course the dramatics in both of us made it seem really deep. So with are attempts, we were satisfied enough to head back to the car that was until a man came and casually sauntered through the puddle, he told us it was only a few inches deep and I walked him walk through where there once was stairs and a path way to the shore now just covered in water. After seeing his example and that he didn’t drown, I immediately followed after him.

Sometimes, I get these really bold spurts. I’m not sure where they come from but when they show up —they know how to make things happen.

Now on the other side of the shore, I watched as the massive waves engulfed the sand.

They were the kind of ways that remind you how small you are.

And not in a you’re insignificant kind of way either. Just small as in look how fragile you can be, look how big the God you serve must be if those waves could be shaped and molded by his very hands. I sat there and thought about how I almost didn’t want to cross over to the shore. I almost was too terrified to dip my feet in the little ambiguous puddle and was going to be satisfied from watching the wondrous waves from the distance. My heart was still slightly freaking out at the “risk” of it all. Not knowing if something would grab my feet or if the depth of it was actually less than shallow than was assumed. But I had did it.

Isn’t that how the unknown works sometimes? It’s terrifying oh my it’s so so scary. But only because we don’t know what’s on the other side. In fact, we don’t even know what will happen after the first step right? And you know those people who say things they remind us that the first step is always the scariest. The first step is always the hardest one—because we have so many other narratives in our heads that are pulling us backwards and not forwards.

The unknown is exactly that BUT only unknown to us. Only unknown to the human eye, only unknown because we can’t see that far.

We have no idea what’s on the other side of the shore.

We have no idea how massive and glorious the waves will be but you know what we do know? We know that it’s not in vain. We know that eventually we have to cross. We know that the unknown is only terrifying until you finally make that first step and then you’re in the midst of the unknown and you see the gifts within it, then you get comfortable and THEN there’s a whole different “unknown” to embark on after that.

The unknown is a tool to keep us moving forward and reminded that a “comfortable” life is a stagnant life.

Yeah.

A comfortable life is a stagnant life. Because once we’re comfortable we slip into that and don’t think it necessary to get out of our yoga pants and put on real clothes. We think it’s okay here, I’m okay here. But nah bruh, you’re actually not, You stink and you need to get up and out. Staying in  comfortable is kind of boring anyway and you’re much too complex for comfortable.

The ocean is the most cliche illustration for unknown, depth and awe BECAUSE IT FREAKING IS  OKAY? It’s that and so much more. The ocean is my reminder that God is in control and I am not. It is every ounce of tranquility and hope all swelled up into foam and roaring waves. The ocean reminds us that yes, the unknown is terrifying, it seems bigger than us, it seems unpredictable and ambiguous and yet all at once absolutely beautiful and worth it. It’s good for us, the unknown, because it scares the comfortable out of us and straight onto the shore.

 (mm that was kinda  good. Someone tweet that)

Day Twenty- yay!

It’s amazing how much your perspective, mood and basically entire day can be affected when you are rested.

This morning, I slept in until 10 and didn’t get out of bed until 10:30. To say that this was necessary is an understatement. In the past two weeks I have worked all three of my jobs, performed at a conference and ran two workshops, performed again and wrote and recorded a voiceover for a video. Now I am up rehearsing for another conference tomorrow.

This hotel bed is much more comfortable than my twin bed at home and Karen is next to me because I realize I’m not ready to travel to conferences alone. Also—HOLY CRAP I’M TRAVELING. I’m traveling to do poetry. I’m traveling to speak and this morning as I was packing my bags and cleaning our Dandelion Den (that’s the name my housemates and I gave to our abode) I was overwhelmed with the reality that I am tangibly living my dreams. It snuck up on me. God just slowly (well honestly pretty rapidly) placed me on this path and I remember the first time I ever did poetry and I left the stage in tears and found myself praying Lord, if it be your will. I would do this for the rest of my life if I could.

I say this a lot because I’m continually baffled at what my “reality” is now. I ran from this. oh I ran so hard from creating, from poetry, from being on stage. How could I be creative and still christian? How could I write poetry that wasn’t plastered with a message that turned people away from the one who loves them the most? I believe that the Gospel is sneaky. It slips itself in at the moments you least expects it AND BLOWS YOUR MIND. I didn’t want to be a “Christian” poet. Yes, I wanted to exude the gospel in both actions and words. Yes, I wanted to convey messages that wasn’t always the easiest pill for people to swallow. No, I’m not doing this to be “liked” or to receive “fame.” I’m doing this because 1. this is not my gift to have, so any chance I’m given to be able to give it back, I’m going to take it 2. People need to hear that they’re loved. They need to hear about the man who decided that He would rather die than stop loving them 3. Words are important, they are beautiful and they have a depth to them that I believe surpasses our human understanding because they connect us to something, someone beyond us.

I write poetry because I want to leave love letters to the world,

letters that you find underneath the rubble when this place falls apart before our very eyes. Letters tucked into the places you used to frequent because they felt like home. 

I write poetry because it’s healing and every spill of a poem is every bit of safe haven and sanctuary.

I write poetry because I believe open mics are the churches people don’t feel as if they have be anyone other than who they were created to be.

 

Tomorrow, the conference I am attending is Anchored in Love and in my second piece of the day I recite Romans 8:38-39.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

We don’t give Jesus the credit that he deserves. sometimes the extent of our doubts is so much greater than the extent of our faith and when that happens we limit ourselves from seeing what he is capable of doing. HE LOVES YOU. The. end. And no mistake, no sin, no one or anything can keep you from that. Tomorrow, I get to share that with a group of young women.

Conferences are one of my favorite spaces because I essentially get the chance to write a love letter poem to girls I don’t know and maybe won’t know when I leave that place. As I sit and rehearse my poems, I am somehow emotionally connected to every single one of the ladies at the conference tomorrow. I am a big feeler, I carry a lot of emotions that aren’t mine, I feel deeply and without any apology— this allows me to somehow connect to strangers in the deepest way. This is exhausting most times but it’s also extremely rewarding. How cool is it to be a part of something awesome? When the work is good and the results are awe-inspiring it is mind blowing to think — wait, you want to use ME?! And we’ll come back with every excuse in the book why we wouldn’t be the best option, why we don’t “fit the part.” He says, screw the part! I CREATED YOU FOR THIS. I built you, shaped you, lead you to this moment right here.

I’m using a lot of capital letters in this post because of how stinkin pumped I am when I think about all this. He doesn’t want to type-cast you. He could care less if you think you’re “right” for this. Right and wrong are subjective when the God of this universe says hey, I would like you to be a part of this. You say YES, where do I sign up? In fact, just put my name down. Where do I go? What do I do? Who do you need me to love and how?

He told me to take the pages, take the numerous journals that I had, let him breathe life into them and give them to people. If you were to tell me this about three years ago I would have laughed in your face. I would have given you all my logical and reasonable answers and left it there. I’m so glad he didn’t let me have my way.

I am blessed to be in this moment right now.

I needed to be reminded of how blessed this is, how blessed I am.

I love when people tell me that my story is encouraging to watch because I am living out my purpose. It is a humbling reminder that it is hard to get to this place and even when you do “get to this place”, it’s still freaking hard! “When you’re on your path, the universe will conspire to help you.” That’s an excerpt from Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong, referencing the Alchemist. I would go even further and say that when you’re on your path— nothing can stop you and God will continue to open doors left and right because AH, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

So,

what’s that thing that scares the mess out of you?

You know that dream that keeps you up at night. The one that distracts you while you try to drown it out with other tasks you think you’re supposed to be doing. It’s terrifying but just try it out, truly sit with what it would take to make it happen and do it. If it backfires, you won’t be stuck with the weight of never having done it, only with the fuel to to go even further and try something new.